Watch My Life pass me by in the rearview mirror..

This picture was taken in 2008 in my father's car on my way to church. Itt always makes me think, especially since when i took itt, i was looking att the rearview mirror, watching as we passed houses, cars, people..etc. When I think back to thatt year, i always have mixed feelings. I can honestly say itt was one of the bestt AND worstt years of my life. Its where i fetch my mostt missed memories of times when life was much simpler than it is now. When friends were always justt a phone call or even a block away. When i feltt the mostt love in my life. Butt its also the year thatt i wentt through lots of betrayal, loss, and heartache. It was the year thatt defined mostly everything. The time of my life thatt made me who I am today. When I look back and I see how much everything has changed, I wantt to sit and cry. I miss alott of the comforts that i had thatt year. The cushions to fall back on, the shoulders to cry on, the smiles thatt gave way to laughter. The year started off like any other, then quickly my life became thatt of a fairytale. My supposed Prince Charming waltzed into my life and sweptt me completely off my feet. I had more friends than i knew whatt to do with, and i lived my life with a very socially filled agenda. Itt all seemed so perfectt, att leastt for a while. Then, in a blink of an eye, i gott everything taken away from me. My bestt friend and I werentt allowed to even look att each other, let alone talk or hang outt. My "Prince Charming" turned outt to be nott justt a heartbreaker, butt a heartt destroyer. And following thatt, I started to lose all my other friends, one by  one. I could feel myself being hated by everybody. I could sense all those backs thatt turned from me. I could taste the blood from all the knives thatt were lodgedd into my back. Mostt of the pain i had to endure alone. People were tired of listening to me. And thinking aboutt it now, almostt crying my eyes outt, I remember all thatt pain. HOWEVER,when i ask myself if i would change anything if i could, aside from some acting outt and unecessary drama i caused, I decide thatt i would do it all over again. Looking back and seeing how things are now, i'm glad i wentt through all thatt heartache. I wouldn't take back one single tear. Cuz now, I see why i suffered all thatt i did. I learned who my true friends are. I learned to have a little bit more love for myself. I learned nott to revolve my whole life around one boy's opinion of me. I learned to GUARD my heartt, my feelings, my doubts, my insecurities. I learned thatt people were born to disappointt and to nott expectt much from anybody. I learned thatt there's evil even in your own backyard. Mostt of all, I learned a whole lot aboutt myself. My insecurities, my doubts, my limitations, my true desires. my uncertainties. I learned how to play the stained glass masquerade, as sad as thatt is to write, i've found thatt its necessary for survival, especially in my church. I learned how to control my rage and how to be "normal". I learned how to stand being alone,although thatt one was never easy. I learned how to hold everything inside, withoutt exploding later on. And thats justt how life is now. Do i miss those days? Yes. Would I give anything to feel the love thatt i used to feel? The sense thatt i belonged? you bett your ass i would. Butt the mostt importantt thing I've learned? Life goes on and you have to go along with itt. So whatt if thatt one person i trusted with my life and loved like a sister has betrayed me? Life Goes On. So whatt if all those "friends" are outt of my life and in the world ruining theirs? Life Goes On. So whatt if i cantt talk to certain people and thatt causes us to be strangers, maybe even enemies? Life Goes On. So whatt if the person who tried and succeeded att ruining my life is still around? Life Goes on. So whatt if my life isntt perfectt anymore? Life Goes On. So from now on, I'm nott looking back.

"The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.”